Understanding the Stress Triangle 🔺
If I asked you to name the number one source of stress in your life, what would you say? The eternal work-life balance conundrum? Your health? Being and doing all the things for all the people? Or could the answer be closer to home? Take a moment to pause and consider, what if the answer is, in fact, “me”? What if you could explore, with compassionate curiosity, the internal patterns that contribute to stress - while also acknowledging the external forces that shape your experience?
The Stress Triangle
Stress isn’t just about having too much on your plate. It’s biological, psychological, and social, three interconnected forces shaping our experience. From a social perspective, the systems of modern life are undeniably relentless. In mid-life, we’re juggling our most senior career roles, still-needy kids, and aging parents.
When we eventually retire, we’re required to step into the role of childcare support for our grandchildren. It’s a lot. At the same time, our experience of life is largely shaped by our perspective and attitude, which are influenced by our biology and psychology. And since both are adaptable, so is our experience.
Self-Compassion
Exploring the internal causes of stress isn’t about beating ourselves up, it’s about taking responsibility for our own experience. When we focus only on the social causes of stress, we tend to seek external solutions: time management hacks, retail therapy, holidays.
While these can help in the short term, real transformation comes from how we relate to stress itself, by shifting our response in the body and mind. It’s important to do this with self-compassion rather than self-criticism. As my favourite quote from psychologist Carl Rogers goes, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
On the surface, self-compassion, much like the idea of accepting ourselves just as we are, can sound like letting ourselves off the hook. It can seem passive, but in reality, compassion is inherently active. It’s about turning towards our struggles, facing them head on, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Self-compassion reminds us that the biological and psychological causes of stress are not personal failings, but the result of our innate human wiring and life experiences. None of this is our fault, and we have the power to shift our experience.
The Body
Stress hijacks our nervous system. Many of us unknowingly spend much of our time in a fight or flight state, making nervous system regulation key for stress management. With all the wellness advice being shoved down our necks, this task can feel overwhelming, but it’s really quite simple - it all comes down to consistently meeting our body’s basic needs.
Good quality sleep, hydration (including mindful caffeine and alcohol intake), nutrition (including supplements), and movement. Reconnecting with our body’s natural cues is also essential. Need the loo? Don’t fire off one more email or empty the dishwasher first, just go. Feeling cold? Put a jumper on. Roasting hot? Take it off. The more we acknowledge and respond to our most basic needs, the safer, and less stressed, our body feels.
The Mind
The messages we’ve absorbed since childhood about success, productivity, and responsibility shape our relationship to stress, often without us realising it. Gaining deeper insight into our beliefs and how they contribute to stress can be truly transformative.
One way to do this is by observing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours as clues to our unconscious patterns. Working with a practitioner or journaling can be powerful tools for this exploration. A simple but impactful question to ask ourselves is, "How do I want to feel?", inviting us to design our lives in a way that aligns with those desired feelings.
Stress is a natural part of life, but it’s not inevitable and shouldn’t be constant. Turning inward with compassion and reflecting on how our internal responses contribute to the stress we experience, is one of the most caring actions we can take for ourselves. The added bonus is that when we take charge of stress in the body and mind, our capacity to manage the external causes of stress also expands.
Meet our guest writer! Katie Williams
